My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
