You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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