it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
