I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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