so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
