note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
