I'm pants shitting drunk right now
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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