I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
