I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
