It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
