The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
