just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
