I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
