So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Drake has all the answers
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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