My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
try to milk me bitch
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
