Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
