yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
