Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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