and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize