I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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