DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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