She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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