Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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