I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ttyl tear gas
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
