I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
