is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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