You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
