Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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