My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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