even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Even the bartender felt bad for me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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