I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
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So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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