Taylor Swift is so right about you.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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