did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
