did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
