note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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