..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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