I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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