i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
