1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
