I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I looked at my own cervix.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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