I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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