well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
