ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Can i not drive my cunt home
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
