I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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