I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
