I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
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Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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