I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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