genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Pooping to opera.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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