Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
