If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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