I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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