apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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