i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
