I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
