Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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