omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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