uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
