I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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