my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
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Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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