I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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