I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
