I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
